Parenting With A Partner With Asperger’s: A Book Review

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IMG-1023All this time, I have been blabbing about my OCD. How totally selfish….so, lets talk about Asperger’s!

As I have mentioned before, my husband has Asperger’s.  His Asperger’s, to me, is just something that makes him unique.  I love that his brain processes information differently than my own; however, it seems to be a bit glitchy when it comes to parenting.  So much so, that parenting is the only thing we ever bicker about; or more accurately, that I ever bicker about…

I “get” my husband’s brain.  I studied biology and psychology; plus, I am extremely opened minded to the fact that everyone is different and I strongly believe that everyone, regardless how quirky they might be, still deserve love and respect.  So, for the most part, my husband’s so-called “odd” social behaviors doesn’t bother me; but I am beginning to see how his Asperger’s is affecting our children.

Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!

My husband simply does not exist.  He is here, but not; and David Copperfield has nothing to do with it!  I think the biggest problem is that, my husband doesn’t acknowledge when spoken to; something I had to get used to.  When prompt to provide a response, you can certainly tell that his brain is searching for a “script,” a go-to, catch-all phrase that works for any kind of situation.  His usual response, for everything, is either “neat-o” or “oh-goodness.”  If the subject is not about him or something he is an “expert” at (areas in which he can confidently express himself), the tone is off and sometimes emotionless, making him sound rude, disrespectful, or a bit harsh.  Not knowing how to appropriately and quickly respond, the brain becomes anxious, and the tongue does its best to interpret and translate.  So, my husband never means to sound rude, disrespectful, or harsh; it’s just rolls off the tongue that way.

I am sure there is more to it, but I am guessing, this is one of the biggest reasons as to why our kids prefer to come to me, instead of their dad, even when he is standing two feet away from me.  They either feel their dad ignores them or their feelings get hurt, by his not-so compassionate responses.  Communication may not seem to be my husband’s forte, but he sure does know how to make the kids laugh!

Parenting Requires Social-Skills

Although, we are both biological parents, I am “the” parent.  I often struggle with this concept, because I personally believe parenting should be a joint responsibility; however, my husband’s Asperger’s makes it difficult to parent together.  As I have mentioned in prior posts, our joint efforts resulted in a “good” cop / “bad” cop parenting style.  It was confusing for everyone and we decided it was best that I just take lead for now on.  It isn’t that my husband doesn’t care or is lazy about parenting, he just doesn’t have that communication-bonding ability with the kids.  Parenting requires social-skills; something I am beginning to learn more about in this new book I started to read this month, called, “Out of Mind-Out of Sight,” by Kathy J. Marshack, Ph. D.

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About The Author and Why I Enjoy This Book

Out of Mind-Out of Sight,” by Kathy J. Marshack, Ph. D., has thus far, been an insightful read.  Kathy J. Marshack is a licensed psychologist who specializes in Asperger’s Syndrome and high-functioning Autism; understanding Asperger’s on both a professional and personal level.

I am really enjoying this book, for that it has all that I like about a book: scientific-based facts, personal experiences, and great humor.  There is nothing dull about the way this book is written, making it much more relatable and easier to retain important concepts that will help me better understand and work with my husband during our parenting adventures.

Cognitive and Emotional Empathy

What have I learned so far?  Well, lots of things, really.  But one thing that truly sticks in my brain is the difference between Cognitive Empathy and Emotional Empathy.   Although better explained by Kathy J. Marshack, I think I got the gist of it.

Empathy is complex; however, Marshack explains there are two types of empathy.  Cognitive Empathy, to my understanding, is when the  brain assesses a situation factually, instead of emotionally.  Emotional Empathy is looking at a situation with emotions.  Those who do not have Asperger’s Syndrome, respond to situations with both Cognitive and Emotional Empathy; whereas, those with Asperger’s Syndrome, generally, only express one type of empathy at a time (not both at the same time).

Say, my kid comes to me with scrapes on their knees from falling down at the park.  They are crying and their knees are bleeding and require medical assistance.  I respond by expressing my concern for their emotions and provide comfort by expressing my understanding that scraped knees totally suck; and then attend to the scrape.  My entire response consisted of both cognitive and emotional empathy.

However, my husband would respond completely differently, whereas he would not be as comforting and skip straight to the fact that it “just” needs a band-aid.   He is responding with Cognitive Empathy, where he recognizes the facts of the situation (scrape on knee), but not the emotional situation (kid being upset).  Or, he may respond with Emotional Empathy instead, where he may respond extremely emotionally and irrationally by dramatically swooping the child up into his arms, rushing them to the band-aid box, and making a dramatic scene, in which only scares the child.

But, like I said, Marshack explains it way better by sharing a personal, yet relatable,  story from one of her clients; in which I strongly encourage you to read about in her book.

After I have finished the entire book (still have a couple chapters left to go), I will be posting an update on this review at the end of the month.  Maybe great changes will come or at the very least, I have gained, yet another perspective to share with you about mental health.

Have You Read A Good Book Lately?

I love to read when I am not busy being a mom.  If you have any book recommendations regarding Asperger’s Syndrome, Parenting, or Mental-Health in general, let me know!  I’d love to check them out! 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Communication With A Partner With Asperger’s

Social media can be bombarded with a lot of negativity, but every now and then, an unexpectedly gem of wisdom appears out of nowhere.

Scrolling through my social media feeds, I came across this post about relationships.  It made me think a lot about being married to a man with Asperger’s.

“The man can’t see the snake biting his wife, and the woman can’t see the boulder on her husbands back, the moral of the story here is that sometimes a man can’t see the pain his wife is suffering from and women can’t understand the pressure men feel on a day to day basis, within couples we need to learn to understand each other more and communicate better so we can seek out the problems and turn weaknesses into strengths”

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My Stereotypical Thoughts

My first thoughts were stereotypical.  I immediately thought to myself, “Well, the man isn’t going to say anything about the boulder, in fear his wife would think him too weak.   And, the woman isn’t going to say anything about the snake, in fear the man would let go and abandoned her.”   Although my personal perspective was geared mostly towards trust in a relationship, I can understand how this relates to communication and I think it is brilliant!

My Asperger’s Relationship

This is a great depiction of our relationship!  My husband’s Asperger’s cannot see the pain I am suffering from all the overwhelming work I do everyday, the emotions that surge through me, and the OCD experiences I encounter; nor do I understand the pressure he is feeling with Asperger’s, anxiety, and being the bread-winner of our family.

Communication: The Two Way Street 

Communication goes both ways in a relationship; however, in an Asperger’s relationship, the non-Asperger’s partner (I refuse to use the word “neuro-typical”) may feel like communication only goes one way through a brick wall.  Thus, it is important to achieve effective communication by better understanding each other.

Nobody should be expected to do more work than the other when it comes to communication.  Instead, each other should learn where the lines of communication are disrupted and patch them up together.

My husband cannot pick up on my emotions or social cue’s nor am I able to read his mind.  He is terrible at verbally expressing the thoughts in his head.  He gets upset when he later finds out he missed out on something due to his lack of communication.  This often leads to a frustrating blame game where I should have channeled my inner Miss Cleo to read his mind.

Understanding this is the line of disruption in our communication, I have learned to better verbally express my emotions, rather than expect him to pick up on my “I am upset” face.  My husband has learned to better verbally communicate his thoughts to make sure he doesn’t miss out on any opportunities that may have required earlier communication; however, this is not without a little help from me.

The Non-Asperger’s Partner Must Put In More Work 

Not everything should be expected to be “even steven’s” in a relationship, especially communication; that is just not realistic for any relationship.  Also, such a high unrealistic expectation can create frustration and disappointment.  However, nobody should be left doing all the work either.  There must be a semi-balance that works for everyone.  In a working system, the scale of balance is suppose to shift back and forth to maintain stability.

In my opinion, in an Asperger’s relationship, the partner with Asperger’s should not be the one who is expected to learn how to better communicate with their non-Asperger’s partner.  I strongly believe, it should be the other way around.  The non-Asperger’s partner is the one who must learn to better communicate with their Asperger’s partner.

Whoa! What! Wait a minute, WHY?  

Well, simply, because the non-Asperger’s partner has better communication skills.

Communication is teamwork.  The non-Asperger’s partner is the “leader” in this teamwork of communication, because they have better communication skills.  It still takes two to communicate, but the non-Asperger’s partner must take the lead in communication.

Using A Sludge-Hammer To Break Through Brick Walls

Taking the lead in communication is not being the one who does all the talking nor is it manipulatively leading the other person in a conversation.  Taking the lead in communication is all about encouraging expressive-communication.  Encouraging expressive-communication is a way of throwing out positive verbal cues that inform the other person (Asperger’s partner) that they need to express a verbal response.

Now, everyone’s Asperger’s is different, but for me, encouraging expressive-communication is an effective way to better communicate with my husband.  Asking “direct” questions, in my opinion, is the best way to encourage expressive-communication.  To do it without being pushy, is to incorporate questions into a casual conversation with a soft, calm, casual tone.  It is also important to not be judgmental when trying to encourage expressive-communication.  Nobody wants to express thoughts, if their responses are always harshly judged; so, a little reassurance that expression is welcomed helps a bit too.  My husband’s responses are often toneless, making it difficult to judge his emotions or even the context of his responses.  However, I have learned to never accuse him of not caring, instead, I remain calm and continue to ask simple direct questions until I receive clarification.

Most of the time, my husband and I communicate like normal people with very few communication issues; each putting in equal amounts of effort into a conversation. However, there are days when I feel as if I am talking to a brick wall and I have to put in a little extra work to better communicate with him.   To be honest, I don’t think that is strictly an Asperger’s thing, but more of relationship thing in general.  Like I said before, the scale of balance is suppose to shift back and forth to maintain stability.  

Everyone experiences Asperger’s differently, let me know your thoughts.  

  1. From an Asperger’s perspective, what is expected of a person without Asperger’s when it comes to providing effective communication with one another?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Asperger’s Relationship: Our Journey

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When I started this blog, I thought I had mountains of content to write about, in regards to my husband’s Asperger’s, but it turns out, I don’t.

There are no daily challenges with my husband’s Asperger’s, like I thought; at least there hasn’t been for a very long time.  I am not constantly trying to figure him out nor am I constantly frustrated with his inability to effectively communicate with me and others.  In the grand scheme of things, his Asperger’s quirks are no more challenging than my OCD quirks.   In a strange way, we compliment each other, making each other stronger and better in many different unexpected ways.  Last night, I laid awake in bed thinking about our journey together and all the true life challenges we have overcome since the beginning; very few specifically involved Asperger’s itself.  Asperger’s, of course, didn’t make the journey easy, but over the years, I have learned to accommodate both our quirks to maintain a happy and healthy relationship.

1950’s Relationship In A Millennial World

I grew up with the idea that relationships are to be an equal partnership; however, I learned with my husband’s Asperger’s, we cannot be equal in terms of responsibilities.  Each of us play a specific role in the relationship and in this day of age, it can be perceived as a little “old fashion.” 

Thinking about it, our relationship is a bit 1950’s, where the man’s sole responsibility is to provide financially for the family (bring home the bacon), among other duties like maintaining the family’s financial affairs, car and house maintenance, and setting strict family rules (as a man’s house is his castle and kingdom).  As for the woman, she is responsible for maintaining a well-kept home, raising children, cooking, keeping her husband happy, and looking fabulous while she does it.

Well, in all honestly, the only thing my husband actually does is bring home the bacon, after that, I am the sole ruler of this castle and our small little kingdom.  At first, I didn’t like it.  I didn’t like being in control of everything; I felt selfish and rude; plus, being responsible for everything and being the designated problem solver in the family can be quite exhausting, emotional, and totally stressful at times; but decision making gives my husband extreme anxiety to the point of panic attacks.  I am not sure, but I don’t think its entirely Asperger’s related, I think it has a lot to do with a prior relationship with a “narcissist;” a tragic chaotic love story that is not my story to tell.

Appreciating Small Help 

When it comes to conquering mountains, I am generally in the lead, but it takes both of us to do it.  I may carry most of the responsibilities, but he has learned to help me with some of these responsibilities and I have learned to appreciate his help, regardless how little or how much he contributes to helping me.

Asking is not Telling

My husband doesn’t pick up on body language, hints, or cues, which can be frustrating as  that is generally a big part of common courtesy.  If a person is struggling with an arm full of groceries, you help them.  If a person is struggling to get through the door, hold the door for them.  If trash is piling up beside the door, take the initiative to take the trash out.  My husband doesn’t do anything unless he is “told” to do it.

Now, as I have learned, there is a difference between being “told” to do something and being “asked” to do something.  I was taught, to “ask” others to do things, to be polite.  So, for the first two years with my husband, I would “ask” him to take out the trash, change a diaper, open a window, or whatever and he would just take his sweet time doing it; basically, he would do it at his own convenience and if he never did it, he would later tell me he “forgot.”   How rude, right!  Eventually, he explained to me his reasoning:  Asking means it is “optional or at your own convenience” and Telling means “do it now.”   I still struggle with this today, because I hate sounding rude; however, to him, I am not being rude at all.

Setting Boundaries 

I have also learned to set boundaries, for the sake of my own mental health.  There are decisions and responsibilities in life that I just cannot do for my husband; one being his own personal health.

The first couple of years was rough;  I was constantly flushing his toilet, being his personal alarm clock, reminding him to brush his teeth, and making sure he actually ate healthy foods instead of junk food.  Basically, I was like his mother!  His reasoning, he explained, was that he feared self-responsibility.  He told me that if I took care of him and did everything for him, nothing would ever be his fault.  Today,  I think this was a bit of Asperger’s logic colliding with depression and low self-esteem.

After we had our first baby, it was too much work to take care of a newborn, myself, and another grown adult.  When I started to fall apart (putting everyones needs before my own), he had to step up to the plate to start taking better care of himself.

There are even bigger decisions and responsibilities in life that I just cannot do for my husband, especially, when it comes to wars that are not mine to fight, like my husband’s custody battles with his ex.   My husband is still tethered to his ex through joint custody of their children and it is a nightmare.  I tried to help (indirectly) by being supportive and offering effective advice against uncooperative difficult people, but I was swallowed up whole and emotionally torn up into pieces by unnecessary, unreasonable, ridiculous drama.  Just recently, I dug my white flag deep into the ground, threw up my hands high, and walked away without ever looking back, because it just isn’t my war to fight.

I certainly learned a lot from that experience.  My place as a wife, mom, and step-mom is in neutral territory where I remain supportive, just not involved.  My official duty is to make sure drama from the other side does not cross the threshold into our home.  That is a boundary I set for the entire family, even my husband’s kids know to keep the drama of the other parent’s life at the front door.  Before entering the house, we are sure to address any issues that require addressing and do a complete mood check, because bad moods can ruin an entire visit.  So far, everyone seems to like that idea.

Parenting

Today, I think the only challenge in our relationship, regarding my husband’s Asperger’s alone,  is in the co-parenting arena.  He loves all his kids very much,  it’s just that his Asperger’s makes it difficult to express that love.   Although, my husband has become a better parent over the years, there are still many challenges yet to overcome.

We’ve been able to conquer most of our co-parenting challenges by following a strict routine (no surprises).  It not only gives the kids a good daily routine, but also helps my husband provide more one-on-one quality time with them.  I also make sure we have plenty of family days!  When it comes to discipline, he is terrible.  In the beginning, we went at it like “bad cop / good cop” style, which was just confusing for everyone.  Now, he just follows my lead by reinforcing positive consequences to help our kids make better choices.  My husband is still working on better acknowledging his kids when they speak to him.   It’s a work in progress, but way better than it use to be!  In fact, I am very proud of him.

Relationships Are Hard Work

Regardless of my husband’s Asperger’s, my OCD, and everyday ups and downs of Life, relationships are hard work.  I think this was my final realization while I laid in bed thinking about our journey together.  It does take both of us, regardless how much each other gives to the relationship, at the end of the day, we are still happily together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Fascination With The Brain: Pure “O” OCD

My Broken Brain

Once Upon A Time….

I was diagnosed with Pure “O,” Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.  Pure “O” OCD is a mental torture of obsessive intrusive thoughts, running through the mind on repeat, like a broken record.  It is often triggered by anxiety and causes extreme distress (at least for me it did).  Rarely, does it involve compulsive behaviors (like washing hands, counting, or straightening things).  It is claimed to be a “less severe” form of OCD, but personally, I would have given anything to have had compulsive behaviors, for that it is the compulsive behaviors that satisfy the obsessive thoughts, ending the suffering.  This alternate thought processing illness was ruining my life.  It affected my relationships, social life, everyday living, and ultimately, and more importantly, my happiness.

I was not born with OCD; it was triggered by trauma.  I do not know what “traumatic” experience triggered it, but whatever it was, it certainly threw my brain into a loop; literally a repetitive loop.  Because I was a Biology student at the time, studying the field of medical science, I was fortunate enough to have access to a college library, where I was able to dig into the science of brain function and mental health.  This doesn’t make me an expert of any kind, but it was extremely beneficial to my recovery.

Yes, I have successfully overcome the suffering caused by my OCD brain. The therapist who officially diagnosed me, encouraged me to seek my own answers, by telling me that “therapists can only provide the tools needed to overcome mental health problems; they cannot provide cures.”  She directed me onto the path for self recovery.  It took 3-4 years to overcome my OCD without the support of a therapist and medication.  With research and study, I learned to practice Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques, Mindfulness, and Acceptance; all in which, rewired my brain in such a way that my OCD no longer controls my thoughts, emotions, and more importantly, my happiness.  My OCD episodes are extremely rare, so rare in fact, that I often forget I have OCD.

Asperger’s: A New Way Of Thinking

 I am happily married to a man with Asperger’s.  A unique relationship between two different minds, an Asperger’s mind and a non-Asperger’s (OCD) mind.  We are an average, happy, normal, everyday married couple, until my emotional heart clashes with his over-logical brain.

Not everyone with Asperger’s is the same.  Not everyone with Asperger’s are going to express all the common documented traits. Also, the severity of Asperger traits vary among individuals.  In fact, nobody’s brain is wired exactly the same, even in so-called normal individuals; thus mental health is so complex and complicated.

My husband, has a “mild” case of Asperger’s and in his case, he expresses all the documented traits of a text-book definition of Asperger’s.  For a person like me, who is trying to better understand my husband’s Asperger’s, I am grateful for the text-book version.  However though, text-books don’t hold all the answers.  As I have learned, from my own personal experience with mental health, text-books only provide a foundation of basics in which are to be used to help guide you though overcoming the challenges of mental health problems.

What I find so fascinating about my husband’s Asperger’s, is that it does not seem to cause him any “suffering.”  He might find social situations to be uncomfortable and he is often mistaken as being extremely rude and selfish, but it does not seem to impact his happiness.  This leads me to believe that not all mental health diseases are actually “problems.”

In my husband’s case, I don’t look at his Asperger’s, as a mental defect, but a normal brain that simply just processes information differently than the so-called “normal” way we know a brain to cognitively process information.  Personally, I would think it to be naive of one to say, “Hey, there is only one right way for the brain to process information.”  That would be like one saying, “Hey, there is only one right way to prepare a tuna sandwich.”  I don’t know, but for now, that is just my own personal theory and opinion (not fact).

The personal challenges I face with having to cope with my husband’s way of reasoning, often provides me with new perspectives in understanding his way of reasoning.  I must admit, sometimes his off-the-wall reasoning for the most ridiculous of ridiculous things does make sense, deep logical sense.  There is often times a hint of genius behind his logical reasoning that just seems to tumble out in unexpected ways.  Thus, another reason why I am so fascinated by his Asperger’s mind.

And Here We Are…

So, that is my very personal, very embarrassing journey, that fueled my fascination with the brain and mental health.  I am not an expert, scientist, doctor, or psychologist, but I think being someone who has personally experienced a mental health problem, educated in Biology, and familiar with medical science, I can offer, at the very least, an interesting perspective on mental health.

This blog isn’t just about my husband’s quirks; it is about me, as a loving spouse without Asperger’s, trying to better understand and cope with his Asperger’s mind.  I hope my experiences and insights can encourage others, in similar situations, to remain positive and open-minded through their own personal journey with mental health.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today I Start A Blog: Married To Asperger’s

I am happily married to Asperger’s; I mean, I am happily married to a partner with Asperger’s. ❤

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Acceptance is key to a healthy and happy relationship with a person with Asperger’s.  If not, well, I can tell you it helps; in addition to, drinking lots of strong coffee, with a dash of great understanding, sprinkled with a bit of patience, topped with a good sense of humor, enjoying your cup of coffee while looking out a new window everyday to gain a better perspective.  No doubt that living with a partner with Asperger’s can be challenging, but it can be just as rewarding as a delicious cup of coffee.  Obviously, I like coffee.  

What Is Asperger’s

Well, technically, it is called Asperger Syndrome.  It is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects socialization and communication skills.  It is categorized as a high-functioning form of Autism.

  • Trouble making eye contact
  • One-way communictaion (either talks about themselves or listens without input or acknowledgement)
  • Lack social courtesy, making themselves seem rude, disrespectful, selfish, and lazy
  • Cannot pick up on body language, hints, and gestures
  • Difficulty with sarcasm and interprets information literally
  • Difficulty with emotions (cannot express own emotions, difficulty regulating emotions, trouble expressing empathy and gratitude towards others)

For more general information pertaining to Asperger’s Syndrome, I recommend visiting this website: Asperger’s Syndrome: What Are the Signs and Symptoms of the Disorder? 

The degree of Asperger symptoms can vary, allowing some individuals to live normal lives without ever realizing they have Asperger’s.  However, sometimes, Asperger’s can be a real bummer, affecting work (especially, if a job position requires effective communication skills), social life, parenting, and, of course, affect a perfectly good relationship / marriage.  Asperger’s in those situations are challenging to overcome for everyone involved, including those who do not have Asperger’s.

The Asperger’s Mind Is Not Flawed, Just Different

Obviously, there is a difference between the Asperger mind and the non-Asperger mind, but only in the way it processes and responds to information.  That is it, under the quirky processing cogs, you have an average individual; perhaps one who enjoys long walks on a beach, sipping on Pina Colada’s, and getting caught in the rain…

My point is, the Asperger’s mind doesn’t define anyone.  They say, “actions speak louder than words,” well, to have a successful relationship with a person who has Asperger’s, you must learn to realize that it is their words that speak louder than actions.  This is because they often do not understand what certain actions mean emotionally to others (socially) and because words are interpreted and expressed literally, you find more worth in their words than with their actions.  Yup, it’s just one of the fun backwards quirks of the Asperger’s mind.

The Asperger’s Mind Will Not Change

Bad news for those hoping to expect their partners with Asperger’s to do all the changing.  It will not happen.  I have been trying to force my husband to change his ways for years!  Turns out, the Asperger’s mind cannot be reprogrammed; at least not without some effort from its owner.  I am a true believer that one can successfully change their thinking habits no matter how it is wired, but it requires a lot of work.  So, taking the lead of Asperger’s logic, following the path of least resistance, I have realized that I am going to have to think outside the box on this one and learn to speak to the brain and not the heart.  I am not talking about learning to be telepathic, although, I often wonder if my husband expects me to read his mind.  Be much easier to communicate, I’ll tell ya that!

I believe I think too much emotionally with my heart than I do logically with my brain.  I blame hormones, but hey, what do I know.  Anyways, I discovered that if I calm down (nix the emotions) and speak literally and to the point, I can better communicate with my husband.  The same goes for interpreting  his actions or lack of actions; by nixing the emotions and thinking logically.  Basically, not reading too much into his actions.

Still Takes Two To Communicate

Although, I have learned the best way to communicate with my husband is by nixing the emotions, I am still an emotional person and my husband had to learn that about me.

However, he still cannot gauge my emotions.  I learned that if I am reasonably upset about something, he thinks I am “over reacting.”  When I am forced to explain my emotions rather than the problem that caused my emotions, is when I know we are not on the same page.  I think this is where most communication goes south in most relationships with Asperger’s; that pivotal point when a non-Asperger’s partner try’s to persuade their Asperger’s partner to feel just as strongly as they do about something as an attempt to get them on the same page.  We often forget that people do not have to be on the same “emotional” page to have equal understanding of something.

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To effectively communicate with one another, my husband had to learn to recognize when I am being emotional.  Although he cannot recognize and process emotions, he can certainly recognize when I am not making any sense to him (because I am speaking with emotion rather than logic).  He had to go out of his comfort zone to verbally acknowledge when I am not making any sense to him, so that I can nix the emotions and speak more logically.  He doesn’t have to tell me that I am being emotional, because 9 out of 10, he doesn’t know why I am not making any sense to him.

Before, he would just let me go on and on and on, BUT, it does take two to effectively communicate.  Thus, requires some effort from the other side, even if it is something as simple as saying, “I do not understand.”  This is a key phrase that indicates to my non-Asperger mind, that I better try again, but with less emotion, so that my husband’s Asperger mind can better understand what I am blabbering about emotionally.  This new tactic in communication has been extremely helpful in effectively communicating with each other.

Can You Relate?

I can talk about Asperger’s all day.  The good, the bad, and the crazy.

Learning more about Asperger’s has changed the way I communicate with my husband.  He use to be the most difficult person to live with and now, that I better understand him, he is nothing more than a loving husband who just so happens to look at the world from a completely different perspective, a logical perspective.

I know I am not alone when it comes to trying to understand the Asperger mind; therefore, I decided to start this blog.  I was hesitant at first, but with so much negative outlooks regarding Asperger relationships, I felt the need to share my experiences to provide hope to those who are not ready to give up on their partner’s.  Relationships with Asperger partners is not impossible, just takes a new perspective to make things work!   

Comments Always Welcome!